Tip: automatically upgrade a standard nutcase attack into a terrorist nutcase attack by shouting 'Allah' as you commit it. #woolwich 22/5/2013 - 10:14pm
I was recently enjoying the unrequited pleasures of second hand smoke whilst sat on a platform at Woking station, and it got me thinking. Everyone has charts these days, like Channel 4, and the BPI. Everyone apart from smokers that is! So I've decided to produce a chart of the current movers and shakers in the cigarette warning label arena. I'm like the next Doctor Fox, except I don't have a doctorate. Without further ado...
Fatal Diseases enjoys its tenth week in the top 5. A simple message, although some critics have rubbished it for not being specific enough, suggesting that the diseases should be individually named rather than just encapsulated into one 'fatal disease' hypernym.
A hit for the ladies, Unborn Baby is a non-mover at 4 this week. In-utero disfiguration can always sell tobacco and it's heartwarming to see this little gem is still in the charts. Smoking can also harm normal babies too, but I guess they're not as important when they've been born. Tough break.
The smoking public can't get enough of infertility. Whether it's decreased penis size due to the erosion of erectile tissue, or the destruction of the ovaries, smokers keep lapping this one up.
This tongue-in-cheek little number is a new entry at number 2. This particular warning is soaked in irony, not only making the erraneous presumption that smokers want to give up, but also assuming that smokers are intelligent enough to know how a phone works.
No surprises here, Smoking Kills sticks at number one for the nineteenth week in a row. Despite being accused of basking in the limelight of Fatal Diseases, Smoking Kills has emerged with enough severity to make it stand out from its predecessors. Smoking Kills will probably be number one for a long long time. And how!
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