Personalised Valentine's Day Puns

Yesterday afternoon I feverishly attempted to write a poignant yet humorous blog about the atrocity which is Valentine's day; a day which goes against pretty much everything I stand for (namely love, acceptance and tolerance). Such was my boredom that my efforts were all in vain. But last night, down the pub with a bunch of other pathetic singles, I found the answer. The solution to my Valentine's Day woes. That solution, dear reader, was this: the humble pun. I immediately set to work inventing as many Valentine's puns as mentally possible, based on the names of nearby people. As the result of my night's witty tribulations, I can now proudly present these perfect perusable puns, and with that alleviate all allegations of alliteration which have recently befallen me.


Unfortunately, there were several puns which failed to make this illustrious collection, namely because they were not of my invention. Mainly accreditation should go to my main man Toby for the masterful "I want to fill you with Simon". The rest of the puns were complete shit, proving once and for all that I am the pun master.

With the punning out of the way I feel slightly freer to pass general comment on Valentine's Day. However, I still feel completely uninspired on the issue so I'm not going to bother. There's nothing to say which hasn't been said before, and saying it a day too late is just going to make me look like an idiot. Valentine's Day is a complete sack of wanker's run-off and I'm glad it's been and gone. As a point of interest, today is SAD, or Singles Awareness Day as its inventors call it:

This is the day that all of the single people can proudly stand up and show that it is OKAY to be single!

You heard it there first, folks, it's okay to be single. And here I was thinking it was some sort of crippling disease!

Please love me.

Permalink || Posted 15/2/2006 by Pete


  1. Wakelin - 16/2/2006 - 3:13pm

    What about:

    "Ivor place in my heart for you"

  2. Mrs Bigley - 16/4/2007 - 6:02pm

    Sorry I KEN't be with you, I'm dead.

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