I'm not ready to be a 24-hour binge drinker

Watch out.Please don't. I won't. You can't make me.

I'm not talking about anally penetrative sex, I'm talking about the 24 hour binge drinking hell we're about to descend into when the Government's MAD new bill comes into force. It'll be anarchy on the streets! ANARCHY! Every night, we law-abiding citizens will have to board up our houses and lock ourselves in our basements whilst police helicopters roar overhead and polar bears take advantage of the chaos to seize control of the country, and impose ridiculous laws. Like, I don't know, "no fishing during hibernation season". Fucking polar bears.

The problem with 24 hour drinking is that I won't know when to stop. Like now, I KNOW I have to down all my drinks by 11 before I get hurled onto the street with all the other drunks. If the pub is open longer, I won't know how long I have! I'll have to be constantly drinking really quick just in case I'm about to be thrown out. I'll be on edge 24/7.

The whole affair will mean the entire population is drunk constantly. Want to fill your petrol up? Well tough shit, because the attendent is drunk. Want to go to school? Your teacher's pissed. Oh God there's a fire! Well, too bad, because the firemen have been having shots since their shift started at midnight. All thanks to 24 hour licensing. After all, we're all too stupid to know when to stop. We need rules! Discipline!

I have full sympathy for the people who live near pubs. At the moment, everyone leaves at the same time, which is fine and dandy for local residents. They're used to it. Imagine what will happen if people leave gradually over a period of time. How will they cope with all that disruption? I don't know! And won't somebody think of the children? The children! The new licensing laws allow children as young as 12 to have to equivalent of 5 pints of beer in non-alcholic terms (e.g. 5 pints of water) before the pub closes. What sort of message are we sending our kids? That it's OK to get alcohol when it conveniences you? Discraceful.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I'm not feeling fine at all.

Permalink || Posted 31/8/2005 by Pete


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