Fathers 4 Justice 4ever!

Blair gets powdered

Eat purple justice, Blair!

Dear Fathers 4 Justice,

My name is Tony, and I'm forty-five years young, currently unemployed. My life was going well until recently. I had a lovely wife, Rebecca, and two beautiful boys, Jack and Tony junior. We had some good times, but the marriage was by no means perfect. Our small house was always dirty because Rebecca was too busy working her jobs and I have several rare medical conditions which make me allergic to cleaning products, and I could never figure out how to work that damn Dyson. Still I did my bit to make her life easier, dropping the kids off at school on the way to the bookies, stuff like that. She never seemed like she understood my needs though.

I think the kids suffered because of her. Tony junior had dyslexia and often struggled with his homework. I tried everything: beating him, belittling him, depriving him of food, nothing seemed to work. I tried my hardest to help and Rebecca was completely unsupportive. Sometimes she even snuck his dinner up to him! She completely undermined my authority and poor Tony was confused, barely knowing right from wrong. Our once happy family was slowly tearing itself apart, all thanks to Rebecca.

Eventually the inevitable happened and she started divorce proceedings. We ended up in court battling for custody of the boys, and guess who the fucking "justice" system awarded it to? I know you, Fathers 4 Justice, know the truly perverse bias our legal system exhibits towards mothers. Rebecca shouldn't have our kids. She was barely there for them at home, always out at work trying to supplement my more-than-sufficient dole money. I could give our children everything they needed: a role model, a stable home life, love and discipline. Instead the judge ruled that I should not even get access rights as I was, and I quote, "clearly a danger to their emotional well-being and incapable of being a proper father to them."

Those words stung deep, and still do to this day. But I know I have been the victim of a massive injustice and I come to you, F4J, with the hope to set it right. We need to show the world that the system needs to change. And we need to make an impression, to alert people to our cause. We are responsible, pacifistic, well-meaning parents who just want to see our kids once a week and take them to McDonalds. And that is why we must blow up the Houses of Parliament.

The Spiderman thing was good. That got everyone's attention. Then there was Batman, but that was pretty much a variation on a theme. I don't think there's a superhero more representative of our cause than Batman, so any more of that sort of shenanigans would be counter-productive. Then we threw some purple powder at Tony Blair, and he laughed at us as he wiped it off his flashy suit and big red briefcase. He laughed in our faces. Of course, kidnapping his son would have made him see how frustrating it is to be a father without access to his child, but some of our more liberal brethren pulled the plug on that one. And then everyone chickened out. Until last night.

The National Lottery. The pride of the nation's Saturday night entertainment programme. Like guerrilla Vietcong we hid in the audience and waited until Eamonn Holmes was saying something. At that perfect moment we struck, disrupting the show for several minutes and making everyone wonder what was going on. Our message was heard again. But it will be ignored again. People think we're morons. They think we're silly stuntmen with nothing better to do. They think we're nutcases. What will they think when we blow up the Houses of Parliament, eh!? We'll show them. We'll show them good!

The judge said I was a danger to my children. I scoff at such a suggestion. Would a dangerous man invade the House of Commons and throw purple powder at the leader of the country? Would a dangerous man attempt to scale the walls of Buckingham Palace? Would a dangerous man climb on top of a bridge and refuse to come down for six days? Of course we are not dangerous. We just want to prove we are level-headed, responsible fathers. And to do that we will decimate the building which has been the centre of our country's government for one thousand years! We shall be the Guy Fawkeses of paternal justice, and our message will be heard, spread by the awesome power of Composition 4 explosives. I want to see my boys. And I'm not going through the proper channels to do it. Fathers 4 Justice! Fathers 4 Ever!

Permalink || Posted 21/5/2006 by Pete


  1. tim - 22/5/2006 - 12:06am

    well said

    what better way to garner support and demonstrate responsibility than acting like an irrational mentalist on national tv?

  2. dav - 22/5/2006 - 12:25am

    fucking dads

  3. Ann Ominous - 22/5/2006 - 12:39pm


  4. Steve - 24/5/2006 - 12:22pm

    I think your Caps Lock's broken, Ann. Either that or you're a twat. I'm still undecided...

Add a comment

captcha image
Please Wait